Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Lessons learned during a marathon and applied during a difficult time

Hello out there bloggers!



I know, it’s been a while since you have seen me. Post marathon, I was dealing with one pretty big life change that affected my whole life and I put running in the back seat.



My husband (ex, estranged, whatever) and I have decided to separate and file for divorce. It’s not an angry divorce; there is no ill will between the two of us. We simply became two different people who grew apart over the 8 years (5 of marriage) that we were together with too different end goals to make it work.



I have spent the majority of my adult life (we met when I was 20—I am 28 now) with this person, so even though I knew we were making the right decision, dealing with the decision was difficult at first. We had a house to deal with, we had bills to deal with and we had a life that we needed to separate into little compartments. I had to find a place to live and uproot my comfortable life.



I was dealing with this for a long time leading up to my marathon. It was a distraction from my preparation, to say the least. I didn’t have time to worry about finishing or injuries because the decision and actions of our separation had taken over my life. I was too focused on “what do I do now?” to focus on anything else.
 I ran my marathon and when I finished, I promptly burst into tears. I am sure some of it had to do with relief of finishing, but the majority of it was me realizing just how strong I really am, both mentally and physically. It was empowering to me that is/was not going to define me. Sure, I am getting a divorce, but hey, I am a lot of other things, a marathoner included.  If I can mentall get through 26.2 miles of being on my feet, I can surely handle anything.

So, even though running has taken a backseat in my life, it's still there, ever present and increasingly more important. It’s helping me define myself, discover myself and improve myself. The revelations I made while finishing my marathon went a long way to help me heal from the shock of the decision and fear I have regarding my future.



I kept telling myself during the marathon, just one foot in front of the other, take this step by step, especially through some difficult miles. This has become my mantra in life lately, although my steps are getting longer and faster and I am finally looking ahead of me instead of behind—and I am happy with where I am heading.

Last depressing post, I swear!!  I am back into training starting today, so less of my personal life, more of my running adventures to come!

Happy running everyone



11 comments:

the dawn said...

my heart literally lurched up into my throat when i read that. i had no idea you were dealing with such a difficult and emotional transition. i can't imagine how overwhelming the whole process is and what you are feeling. i'm so thankful that you have had running as a partner through this and as a spring board into your new life and identity. i will be thinking of you and your journey daily!

Stephany said...

I am glad to see you are back! I just found you and was worried that you weren't going to keep blogging after Disney.

Divorce sucks (been there done that actually remarried my ex after 4. years and a lot of stuff between) and I thoroughly wish I had been in better shape when I went through it all- having that outlet of running and the community of running can only help!

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts through this journey of yours.. As well as using your blog for my own getting to be a runner and lose weight and get healthy motivation as I am beginning my journey!!

Blessings!

Laura said...

Sending you good thoughts and vibes - you are a strong person and will get through all this...

TMB @ RACING WITH BABES said...

Erin - You are a strong woman. I can only imagine how challenging the past few months have been, but I know you will make it through stronger. Hugs!

Sara said...

Thank you for sharing such a difficult thing with all of us. You are in my thoughts and prayers. We're all here for you!

ms. caboo said...

Erin, I'm so sorry. I am glad running has made you aware that you are so much stronger than you ever realized. It will keep you going when you just don't know what to do.

My thoughts are with you! Take care of yourself.

kilax said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to make that decision - the right one - yet deal with all the sadness and new preparations that come with it. We are all here for you! :)

longlegsontheloose.com said...

as I said at the beginning of the month, you're so strong, such a hard worker, and such a go getter. i know part of you must feel like you're starting over in someways but I'm so glad you know who you are and you have so many people behind you. so it's not really starting over, its starting a new...time to learn more and more about erin how how much of a rockstar she is? now the real question...does this mean we can start dating (aka running) again ; )

Liz said...

i love ya, girl. i know you're strong and you will make it through this.

i'm here for you for a running date, a drink date, or a need to completely drown ourselves in chocolate date. whatever you need...

and i'm with katye... it's time for more running dates. we can have a threesome now (followed up with a wegmans visit, of course). ;)

jamie@sweatyhugs said...

Oh Erin, I am so sorry to read about this news. To think that you were dealing with this WHILE training and running your first marathon is just...there are no words! You are one tough cookie, that's for sure! If you ever need anything I'm here for ya. (hugs)

AM Sales Group said...

Erin, I'm so sorry. These major life changes are never easy, but usually benefit us in the end more than we know. You will come out of this ok, after all you've run a marathon; there is nothing you cannot achieve. Joe